I went golfing today to remind myself why I never go golfing. I don’t know if there is a more humbling, frustrating sport than golf.

I always trick myself into thinking that it will be a good time; a day in the sun, enjoy the weather, knock the ball around and have a relaxing time with friends. But without fail I shank my first drive, driving myself into depression. I drop by second shot into the water and so goes my my confidence. The golden image of a day on the course is suddenly a four hour trip through hell.

If you ever happen to fool yourself into thinking that golfing will be a fun way to spend your day, I have a few tips that will lessen the inevitable misery.

Don’t do it. No matter how convinced you are that it’s a great day for golf, it’s not.

If you have to golf, drink. It has become increasingly obvious to me as to why golf courses offer a variety of alcohol to its patrons. They even have attractive women who drive to you with the magical potion that can help ease your pain.

Don’t keep score, and just make up numbers as you go. If a friend asks you how you did, just come up with a vague statement about the course was in bad condition, include something about how you threw out your back the other day, and ignore the question.

Now back to nursing my bruised ego.

I think Mr. Barkley would appreciate my insight: